As I began to pray over the word God would have me focus on and study this year, I was overcome with sadness that I didn't focus on obedience last year, like I said I would. I may have obeyed him some of the time but never close to all the time. In fact, I gave up trying round bout Feb. Yes...I'm a sad creature. I'd enjoyed 2014's study on phroneo- to set (see previous blog entries). But 2015 just wasn't a great year. I'm not sad to see it go...good riddance! I am hopeful that this year will hold exciting things. No matter what may come.
As I looked back, God showed me just how inconsistent I was...to Him, to my children, my husband, my health. When God takes you down memory lane, everything else pales in the comparison of His holiness and goodness. All my feeble efforts are garbage. All of my excuses sound stupid to my ears. I wanted to cover my head and weep! And I did a little bit. On Sunday. On stage. There I am just ugly crying in front of everyone. Didn't even care! God and I were truly having a moment.
This world and God's children in particular NEED to feel that conviction of sin more! We don't. We don't weep over our sin and what we are doing to the Father who loves us beyond imagination! We don't have fire falling from heaven or plagues or pestilence like the Israelites did. We just flip God the bird and keep right on living like we want to.
The first verse of the year for me is well known.
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness!" Lam. 3:23
Pretty isn't it? Poetic. Pleasing. Tickles the ear and makes ya feel better.
I don't think we truly get the power of that verse until you get the devastation of the verses before it. Jeremiah, a mournful soul, is lamenting (as he is known to do) here over conviction of sin. Jeremiah was called at a young age to deliver the message that God's people were going be taken captive by the Babylonians because God was REALLY unhappy with them. They did what they wanted, when they wanted and with whomever they wanted. Worshiped all manner of gods other than the One who'd called them to himself. Jeremiah wasn't a popular fellow LOL Because of his message, I believe God probably let Jeremiah see and feel the effects of sin. And it changed him.
He talks of "the rod of His wrath" (vs.1), God's hand against him (vs.2), feeling like he was "wasting away" (vs.4) and wandering around in darkness (vs.6). Heavy chains (vs.7) and prayers hitting the ceiling (vs.8). To everyone else, he was an object of mockery (vs. 14), walking around so morose all day.
Ever been there? Feeling so low that food tastes like gravel and even your friends can't help you feel better? As unhealthy as that sounds, I need a good dose of it every now and then. Not so that I can then take on a form of pride that says I'm never gonna get better, I'm worthless, but so I can shout from the rooftops that even though I am such a loser---GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS!
God could smite me dead. He has that right. BUT, His lovingkindness or steadfast love never fails. NEVER. NOT ONCE! He, instead of killing me where I stand, looks on me with love and gives me mercy. All.the.time. New every morning.
So, the question I thought to myself was this...
"Why do I test His mercy so much?"
Thankfully, He gives it freely, but why don't I see that as the gift it is and TRY not to sin. Instead of willingly running right to it?! I know I can't do it on my own and I haven't even TRIED to tap into the Holy Spirit. TRIED to lean on him. I've actually tried NOT to! Thus flipping God the bird. UGH....makes me sick!
This year...Consistent is the word.
-Consistently leaning on Him to avoid the trappings of sin
-Consistently spending time in the Word and in prayer
-Consistently putting my children in His face
-Consistently disciplining said children
-Consistently showing love
-Consistently eating better
-Consistently breaking strongholds
And I will proclaim:
"Thank you for your love that never ends. For a new day and new mercies with it. Keep me from walking away from you today. Great is your faithfulness to me, O Lord!"
